Board Thread:Konoha Logs/@comment-25955740-20160331000256

Could she really? It was doubtful and she was willing to just accept the fact it was impossible, a cause that should be left alone.. But, between the influence of a teammate.. She wanted to fix her mistake—Expressing the desire and want, Ded Lee gave her advice and a bit of hope, for change and made it not appear not-so-impossible. It was a new day, a fresh day and the sun shined beyond the clouds that danced in groups, the breeze was soft as whispers as the weather hinted to a ‘perfect’ and ‘promising’ day—Despite the promise of the day, it took so much effort for her leave her temple.. It had been a few days since she showed her face out of feeling regret or horrible about what happened between Keldran and herself. As the words were ‘Better late than never’, Kinshi been completely nervous and wrote a note to Keldran, upon the white paper that would be given by a hawk to Keldran—“If you read this.. Or accept this rather.. I want to give my deepest apologizes, not as a sensei, but a person and, a fellow ninja both as the daughter of the Hokage and Senju; most importantly a failure of a friend. So.. If you can allow me one more chance, or a moment of your time, I want to give you my full apology in person, a letter isn’t going to cut the mistake I made. If not, I fully understand, if so. I am located in the east of the heart of the village, in a garden, follow the hawk, bird, thingy.” the hand writing was considered rather ‘messy’ by understandable, hinting towards the emotional thoughts and attempts to get her words together on a piece of paper.. Undoubtedly concerned if he would accept such a sorry letter. Located miles away, miles from her temple, the white haired female known as Kinshi stood before a lake—Wrapped around her arms, white bandages covered the buries and wounds of everything she done in sadness, with her black gloves worn over it. Her arms were held up and out, as her palms were towards the sky as she held a plate within her hands, atop of this plate was a sticky white rice that was made into the shape of a lotus flower, in the center of this rice flower was this golden liquid known as ‘honey’.. She wasn’t sure how apologzies worked, nor if the Fuma was even going to appear and accept it.. But she wanted to try—Between Ded lee and her, there was enough words for her to think on. If she really wanted to fix her mistake and not have it ever happen again, she needed to try.. She couldn’t let her fears get the better of her and this meant, she couldn’t only be true to herself, but she had to be truth to others and herself. The cave allowed her insanity of whatever she could barely remember, caused so many issues due to the fact she denied so much and tried to cling to a false figure. Narrowing her eyes at the ripples in the water, Kinshi found herself feeling this was going to be hopeless, why would he write something like that and believe her, after she did what she did? In her mind.. He wouldn’t.. But she promised to try. Covering one side of her face, her bangs covered the cuts towards her cheek awhile there was a bandaid against the cheek that was left exposed, she had been through types of hell, but was it her doing or someone else’s? It was a choice between the shadow of her father and her own light, seeing how she was already stepping out of the shadow, she found herself willing to stand here for hours in hopes—If all went well, then maybe he would hate her less enough to the point.. She could help him if this training, after she said sorry for everything.

Keruberosu: |KF| -It was about mid-day Keldran had been in his room recovering from the events of the day previous when he engaged Kaylee in fairly brutal combat. He had his entire chest covered in bandages since he received a pretty deep kunai to the chest. It couldn’t be necessarily seen but the bandages made his shirt in the chest area puff out more almost as if he got a buff chest out of thin air. He was sitting as his desk in his room his black steel clay-more was laid across said desk on the flat portion so it wouldn’t dent into the wood. The sun would peak into the room and he had his window wide open. He had out a tool kit taking small chips of steel and began to weld it into his sword via a small blow torch. He normally added onto the sword to make it thicker and a sharper edge. While torching the blade he would hear a large flapping of wings right outside his window and when he brought his head up just luckily he finished adding the metal edge to the clay-more placing his tool down he would get up from his chair and take the white piece of paper from its grasp. Opening it up he began to read over it, he really wasn’t taking it at seriously as he could but he mostly skimmed over the writing. He took mental note of the location the hand-writing was scattered but that was to be expected from a female who lived in the mountains most of her young adult life Keldran thought. Keldran would lift his clay-more bending it down so he could look down the double edge making sure it was even and of course it was. It’s mid edge having a great new shiny finish to it thanks to the metal torching he did. He’d place it back into its rough leather sheath taking the strap and slinging it around his body. He’d then place his katana on his right hip which is where it could usually be found. Now he’d leap out the window and follow the lead of the bird as it began to fly off into the distance, following it closely by sticking to the rooftops. (30 minutes later) He fully followed the bird to a clearing until it turned and went off into another direction he continued to move further until he made it to a lake. There he saw Kinshi standing there not turned in the direction he was coming so he made his approach both hands being in his pocket a bandage being tied around his head some of his thick hair popping out of it. Keldran would then call out to her. “I’m here for my training.” He thought the statement blanket the already silent there and he stood with a fairly normal expression and awaited any type of response. He still had a strongly negative disposition towards her but maybe it could change who knows.- |KF|

Within the darker aspect of her mind, she wished not to disappoint her father as the Hokage, awhile the depths of her sought out for a way to mend an outcome for the better—To protect her friends, to become a stronger person not just for herself, but those around her and one day, to find an inner peace to where she could be accepted. As the time passed, Kinshi found herself feeling a bit more indifferent and a bit more sadder.. Maybe.. It was hopeless and she really did mess up.. Messed up to the point she couldn’t change it despite how hard she wanted to try and with such a thought, her heart found itself heavied by another mistake—The cold hand tightening the chains as it squeezed, digging it’s long nails deeper into her numbing heart that was already shattering from past events. Despite the downside feeling, she atleast.. Was experiencing something that made her feel ‘normal’ and not ‘abnormal’—It felt like another failure, she just felt like a failure once more and she felt like she didn’t try hard enough to fix this. With such a reality in her mind, her eyes couldn’t help but narrow even more as they watered to the point tears flowed down her cheeks—It wasn’t her composed personality to cry, but she found herself not even caring anymore, she didn’t want to be her father anymore.. It only hurt others and made her unhappy.. Made her into things she didn’t want to be. Grinding her teeth together, she locked her jaw as hard as possible as she tried to keep herself calm, her tears rolling down her cheeks off her chin—She’d just wait for the hawk return, expecting not for her to find the Fuma and just accept the fact it was a lost cause.. Or maybe, she’ll try again. She refused to her use her abilities as a Sensory-nin, she felt so shitty and just feeling the happy life around her would’ve killed her even more—Upon the return of the hawk closing in, the bird took off even faster away from Keldran as he reached the meeting point, the hawk slowed itself as it circled around Kinshi’s body before landing upon her shoulder, not sinking it’s already sharp claws into her left shoulder. Tilting it’s head to the left, the hawk leant down and nuzzled against Kinshi’s cheek, telling that the hawk did find Keldran and that it also had faith that Kinshi, if she really met it, could really fix this problem—As the words were spoke from the Fuma she called upon, who was behind her like normal, Kinshi silence herself to the fullest and allowed a two seconds to collect herself, the hawk flew off her shoulder. He was here for his training and nothing more, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t say sorry—Taking a big swallow of her cup called mistakes, the last thing she was thinking about was her honor and pride. Turning around to face Keldran, Kinshi’s face was tilted downward as her eyes locked to the ground as she took a knee to the ground; kneeling to the ground, she bowed with her head down as her arms extended outward offering him the plate with the honey lotus, something she took all the time she had to make for this apology. Pushing all doubts aside, her fears away and the Hokage’s shadow away, she parted her lips to wholehearted express herself—Shaking under the plate, her hands held themselves nervous. “I don’t expect you to ever treat me the same.. Nor accept a friendship like mine after what I did—But. I will give you the truth of me, the best I can.. I can scream I’m sorry, but it’s not the words, it’s the meaning, the actions and the change that prove and define my sorry. I wanted to wholehearted to say sorry, not just for what I did but for how I was. I failed you as a person and threw your attempts in your face, then insulted you. There is no excuse for what I did, I accept my actions for what they are and I thank you deeply for even coming out here, even if you desired only to train.. So. I’ll say sorry for what I am. I’m sorry for being broken piece that is so caught in the way of expectations that she fails to realize those who would try and make her life better as friends, that she doesn’t need to be some false person to be liked and valued—I want to try again. I want to try and let you in as a friend, only if you allow it, so I can prove to you, how sorry I really am.. But, I need your patience, that’s all. If you can’t accept this sorry.. Then..” She had to pause. Somewhere within her speech of circling words, she had bit her tongue and caused herself to tear up a bit more—The dirt below her becoming a puddle due to her tears. She didn’t want to come off as pitiful or begging so she tried her hardest to cover up her sniffling, awhile she attempted her hardest to give him this apology, something she wasn’t good at, but she would happily make happen. “Please accept this rice lotus filled with honey, on behalf of my apology, as this is one of the only dishes that is classed as the highest honor of the Senju family—It offer good luck and a happy future. I made apart of my pled!” She said, at this point, she just didn’t want hard feelings, it would hurt if he didn’t accept it either or, but she was trying and it showed in her shaking body, in the light of things, she was working through her fears of not being good enough and many other things; if he didn’t accept, she could finally say she tried to fix it.. But in actuality, she would say she didn’t try hard enough. Found on the ground on a single knee, with her head down in a bow, if her father saw this, she wouldn’t have cared.. Even if her own clan did, due to her wanting to try and fix this—She was determined to actually. “However. If these are not good enough.. I will train you in whatever you desire to know.” She added, being the finally thing she wanted to say.

Keruberosu: |KF| -Keldran would look at her as she turned watching the bird land gracefully onto her shoulder. A bunch of bandages covering her body especially the arm area piqued his interests just a bit and he could be noted as looking at them. But it wasn’t enough to change his perception whatsoever. At this point she would then kneel to him tears clashing against the floor below her and outstretched was a plate of some sort of food. It looked good and his mouth began to water slightly. But this wasn’t the vocal point of why he was here still standing there looking down at her the scene panned out facing from a single angle of the two a ray of light loomed over Keldran and Kinshi was utterly consumed in a swirling darkness. Before whipping back to a first person view, he would lean himself on a nearby tree and proceeded to listen to her. Listening to her once again speak about her past, how she was connected to the Senju and how it affected her, talking about how she was a failure how she never lived up to this and that. He began to slowly become annoyed by listened to her speech towards him and since she was a sensory ninja she would feel a familiar presence inside his core. It began to flare and violently charge around his chakra network. Gripping his left arm with his right he’d force an astounding amount of chakra into it starting from the shoulder and it began to progressively move downwards his teeth close don’t one another and it showed in the open air and a noticeable strain of muscles and chakra in his arm started to make veins pop out and sweat was noticeably forming on his forehead. Some of the earth and soil around him began to lift into the air and the tree he was against began to shake and the leaves whipping into the air. His black pupils watched the arm and it finally go so far to be on the wrist area point and then he shouted. “KAI!” The chakra consumed completely around his entire right arm and he smiled as he took fluid control of his strong emerald chakra for the first time. For such a low ranking shinobi his chakra was surely powerful and it could be seen. “I didn’t’ really need you anymore for training, I’ve been suffering to learn it on my own for awhile now. I just thought I’d give you the satisfaction of seeing my progress because it may be the last time.” He took a short pause before dispelling the coat of chakra allowing it to re-enter his core the chakra calming down. Keldran walked over to her and took the food off the plate he slammed it all into his mouth and was chewing down on it and allowed his taste buds to run wild. It tasted pretty damn great he thought to himself and once he swallowed it all he’d make a small happy sigh before bending down onto his two knees and he began to talk. “I was the first person to sign up for Team Blue for that dangerous mission the Hokage drafted for. I may die, it’s a cycle of life. But if I don’t I’ll only come back that much stronger.” He would then begin to take steps walking away from her and looking like he was exiting the clearing and heading back home. But he turned and stopped to speak. “You can never be my equal Kinshi, how Hashirama the greatest of all shinobi’s example is tarnished I will never know. But like I told you once before, everyday is a choice and the Senju of today have made a choice to turn a family into a breeding farm for blinded yet powerful ninja. You can never be my equal Kinshi.” He took a short pause to let it process in her mind and then he followed it up swiftly his voice raising in pitch. “You may be stronger than me but how will it last? Ask yourself this. The power and bravery I represent here.” He touches his chest the place around his heart. “Will NEVER fall to the level which you will be. I cannot consider you anything besides another person, another acquaintance. You are weak and a slave to your clan. How do you expect a a believer to follow a blind messiah. I will be the leader of my own fate and destiny; my own progress will be of my own blood and work. I realized we’d never be on the same level that day when trying to take my life was all you had worried about up until now when you’ve felt the salt within your wounds. Maybe one day when you are my equal I can look you in the face, until then I will only tolerate you.” Tension thick in the air and he just looked at her and waited.- |KF|

It wasn’t.. good enough..? As each word was tossed to her, it was like an endless storm of kunai that stabbed into her flesh without any remorse—She felt horrible, even the area around her felt completely different, as the chakra released from Keldran’s body allowed. Within her mind, the memories of being called a failure, worthless and everything under the lit sky from the blood stained boards, screamed in a echo within her mind—Hardly would she ever be good enough, but within this in her mind, she didn’t feel sad or.. depressed. Where her mind asked the simple question ‘what is good enough’, she remembered to answer herself this time, she may have not had many people who knew her personally, who really pushed her, but there was a few, a hand full that enjoyed her and tried to influence her for good—The nails squeezing into her heart slowly dissolved, as the chains became loose. Moushi liked Kinshi’s ability to commit when she tried to fix something, Zeshin adored her ability to push on from anything in her way, despite how deadly and a few others just loved her personality and heart, even if it was in the wrong place sometimes, they were patient—For the first time in ever, maybe it was the words she was told, and she was making sure of them, but she didn’t feel as worse, in fact, she felt better because she tried and knowing it was beyond good enough for someone else due to her attempt. The tears that had fell, finally ceased completely and the plate she held simply lowed towards her lap as she stood up straight—Her eyes closed but her lips formed a smile, a smile of atleast being happy.. but for what? Despite everything she was just told, the fact she literally was being thrown to her fear, she accepted the fact of what he said and didn’t mind his words to her clan—Minding not his insults towards her own strength and everything she was trying to stand for, she simply had a smile, because she felt something that she hadn’t felt in a long time. Before the death of her mother, Kinshi was always told things, these things were forgotten until recently, which caused her to almost truly accept herself—Never be something one is not, false feelings and hurting heart, or somethign like that. Lifting her head up to look towards the Fuma whom no doubt was walking away, she simply tilted her head to the right a bit awhile she smiled to him—Her lips parting to form a few words. “You may call me weak or a slave. I will not mind it, as it maybe the truth that I have failed to see for years, however. We will get one thing straight.” She said, her tone being composed and calm, her words being held friendly awhile her smile simply beamed with an ideal happiness or joy—The fact, she was able to do this.. Proved that.. She can even converse this way with her father and that she could be her own person, that other could be proud of, if they could, then she was proud of herself for trying. Opening her eyes as her smile fade just a tiny bit, her posture of her stance straighen up a bit as she made eye contact with the boy standing before her. “I may never be your equal, but I care not in one fuck or another—You may tolerate me until your last breath is drawn, I can thank you for that, as most wouldn’t for my actions. I do not mind one bit. My attempt may have not be good enough for you, but I’ve learned one thing by coming out here and trying—No matter what. I can be good enough if I am determined or try, where people cannot be proud of me. Atleast I can judge my own actions and be proud of them, just like this one. I maybe broken here--” Placing a hand over her own heart, her palm pressed lightly against the fibers of her shirt as she simply shook her head before carrying on speaking. “BUT! No matter what, you or anyone tells me at this point. I have found what I wanted to do and want I want to protect. I may not be strong enough and I may not be able to feel like everyone else—Hell. I maybe weak, I don’t mind it so long as I can finally be me—Finally being able to step as I please and protect everyone who I really desire to. It hasn’t been easy since I’m been bac and everything keeps getting worse, but that’s okay, because now I know. Thank you for atleast that much of your time, but be ready to never look at me, because I don’t want your expectations. I want my own and if my own are anything, they will make their own path and their own way.” She said. By far in her words, her tone became confident and her face simply held a smile that found itself proud of her own actions—It hurt just a bit, but she couldn’t be bothered by it now nor ever. When she thought about it, atleast he ate what she cooked—Lifting her hand, she simply waved to him as if she was waving good-bye to him, aspecting him to leave. “But. I’m sure. You will be fine in team blue, even if things are beyond unexplainable. If this is all, then I need to be on my way, as a means of you do not need me and I cannot be bothered to waste your time or anyone else’s.” By far, she held no disrespect, but she was not going back into that hole her father made.

Keruberosu: |KF| -Keldran would stand there on the edge of the clearing and notice she finally rose to her feet within his head he’d begin to think. “Ahhh she probably finally realized what I’ve said. Let’s see if she really learned anything.” So now she began to talk, the words following out of her mouth and to boot. She even had her face painted with a smile and confidence in her posture. A welcome change to her normal somber and depressing body language. Keldran would stand there with hands in his pockets and let her words pass his ears, trying to take it all in to see if she actually really learned if she really listened to anything he told her from the time once upon ago in time. Noticing her hand moving to her own heart and gripping the shirt she began to speak more passionately and he could notice it in her tone of voice. All he needed to hear was the last sentence about her finally being able to be her once she stopped speaking he would now as he turned back and started to slowly walk his face turned to her until he finished what he was saying. Keldran slowing clipping off-into the distance. “You are learning but you still have a ways to go. I never wanted you to be my equal nor did I ever care if you would one day reach that point. I simply wanted you to be who I know you could be. But I guess that Senju mold and thick skull of you’res finally shed off and you’ve been renewed and now approach the day with hope and light. Sometimes in the darkest of night the faintest light is blinding. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. So instead of talking about it show you really mean it and grab your life by the balls. You were always a Senju but now is your time to be Kinshi. As for my safety I won’t bank on it, the shinobi world is meant for death and it won’t stop until we all share one heart and one mind. But humans were made to be difficult creatures. Clarity and balance is a never-ending battle. As for you Sensei, Kinshi. I always believed in you and still do. But you made a decision just like you did this moment and im sure if you didn’t give a fuck as you quote on quote said or really desire to protect this and that you would prove it to me. Maybe one day re-earning my respect will be something you wish if not then that’s fine to. But just remember you didn’t get here alone everyone played their part wither it good or bad. I wish and hope nothing but the best for you and I have since the start.” He began to fade into the tree line as he headed home still within enough distance to hear her. “Until next time Sensei.” And that’s all that was left to be heard from Keldran and he headed back on the road home to the Fuma manor.- |KF| 